We don’t know whether to cockpunch former CEO Stan Sigman of Cingular or the new douchebag CEO, Randall Stephenson of AT&T for their shit ass service they provide. I’m sure many Americans like paying $100+/month for a cell/data plan and not be able to use it because some dumb shit CEO can’t do his homework on what the data capacities on his company are. Now they want to sit around and blame Apple for their short comings on delivering a strong signal via cell phones. Maybe your former CEO who made the deal with Apple should’ve of looked into the company’s data capacity, either way you both need a cockpunch from you customers.

To top this off, the weasel Randall Stephenson is throwing out threats to concerned customers who are emailing his about the shitty service they’re paying for. For the full article on this, click here.

Rhapsody needs a cockpunch for advertising unlimited downloads for $10/month. These corporate smucks always make the big advertising picture look good but when you get into the fine print, you realize differently. First off, because of DRM – digital rights management, the songs can’t be played on Apple products since Apple has their own proprietary digital rights management going on. The worst part of this deal is that for people who do own other MP3 players other than Apple MP3 players, the songs that are downloaded aren’t actually theirs. If you cancel your subscription, the songs that were downloaded in the past will no longer be available to you. So, F you Rhapsody, put the fine print in your advertisments and quit trying to make the deal look so good. A cockpunch for a Cockbag company.

I was told a story by a friend of mine about an offering to caddie for Matt Kuchar (professional golfer) back in the days. They were holding a golf tournament in the area and Stults-z had this cool opportunity to not only walk a fine course, but also carry Kuchar’s oversized golf bag for 18 holes. Apparently is was a miserable 90 degrees out, lugging around Kuchars tool’s for the game, and at the end of the tournament Kuchar tipped Stults’-z only TEN DOLLARS!

Now we’re no math geniuses over here but according to the brain calculator, that’s about 55.5 cents per hole. I think Stults’z should have chubbed him in the groin right then and there with that tight ass caddy tip!

So here’s to you Kuchar, a slap to the sac for ya!

We don’t need to write anything on this, it’s evident that he needs one  for too many reasons to list.

This blog (angrywhiteboy.org), if that’s what you wanna call it, is for sure a targeted area for a cockpunch. Here we have some “Angry White Girl” conservative blog that likes to get into political battles about anything and everything. Some of the content over on their poorly designed blog starts to remind you of a Glenn Beck script. We all know who Glenn Beck is, the bleached hair, preachy, cries on his ring wing show, and empowers the show by throwing a lot of dellusional fear soaked information out to the public.

We digress though back to the topic at cockpunches.com. You can waste your time reading this sidewinder filth that really has a terrible blog name, although we will give him 2 cents for his marketing efforts. So here’s to you “Angry White Boy”, a cockpunch for your shitty blog.

Since we just found additional twitter posts about “How to stop NPR”, posted by D. Turkette, maybe two or three punches to your sac are in order.

Here’s why, because they claim to be a triple hopped beer but it still tastes of water. Suggestion, drink a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, a Dogfish Head 60 or 90 minute or perhaps a Hop Wallop from Victory Brewing Company out of Downington, PA. Miller Brewing, or MillerCoors which merged on July 1st of 08′ needs a sac pounder for advertising that their beer is triple hopped. Can’t taste the hops, must be barley water.

As the old adage goes, “you get what you pay for”, this is exactly the case with Microsuck. Why do we say Gates needs a change of career? It seems his “give a damn” has ran out with care and compassion for computing.

First off is the tech support issue, which we really can’t pinpoint Microsoft as being the only company to pull off horrible customer service issues. Ten to fifteen years ago, 80% of tech companies started outsourcing to lands far adrift the USA. The communication barriers shot way up along with the knowledge of the tech staff. What used to be  multi-tiered support levels has now dwindled into 10% knowledge by the support team. It’s a good thing Microsoft doesn’t make vehicles…

Many other complaints stand to prove why Microsoft needs a BiG punch to the man sac:

1. weak internet execution

2. MS works better on a Mac than Windows

3. Syncing contacts with Vista & WinMobile

4. No culture into their products-3rd rate stuff

5.Possibly a thing of the past, hardware/software conflicts

6.Outlook’s vunerability with attachments, just open the email, not the attachment to propigate itself to everyone in your address book.

7.Microsoft clones Apples innovative designs

8.Why buy Microsoft Suite when you can use open source Open Office

9.The operating system

10. The ten step procedure for using USB external speakers.

Whomever is responsible for catching the over 2 century old Guinness Brewery on fire could you a cockpunch. Possibly a cockpunch for the guilty arsenic out of fear, fear that he could have shut down all production to brewing the mothersmilk stout beer. Apparently the blaze started during some roof repair in which a blowtorch sparked a major blaze in Dublin City. Good work and how bout’ a Da Boot in the man sac.

The fists haven’t been wound for awhile but with the lastest news on Acorn Community Group, we felt it worth while to let the fists O’ fly on the acorns. The government might want in on a couple jabs also since ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now) is using their monies to fund some pimping and hoeing. The lastest scandal was uncovering when two conservative activists posed as pimp and hoe entered an ACORN facility in Baltimore and worked around their words in a certain fashion to get the employees of ACORN to give advice on how to purchase a home to use as a pimp haven. Apparently the “pimping and hoeing” aren’t secluded to the east coast as a similar scene took place in an ACORN office in California.

Hats off ACORN, may the government raise the pimp hand for a CoCkPuNcH!

There’s another cockpunching website that was due to launch in May of 2009, well, we’re still waiting for you. By the looks of the simple, yet cool flash intro to the site, it’s gotta be a good one.  Let’s join hands and let the C punching begin. Here’s the linkage…

(For Bob & Polly King) The assumptions are that one should always know his “business” whether your a corporate firm, a bus driver or a website chump. Let me inform my readers that since cockpunches.com was started, I had never experienced a good C-punch, I have given them once or twice in my day but had always managed to avoid them until a couple of weeks ago while attending a rather drunken garage party with a friend. After consuming multiple New Belgium Fat Tire Amber Ales, we happened upon a neighborhood party a couple of lots down the road. No more than 1/2 hour into the party did I receive my first cockpunch of the evening. I was honored and willing to take the five knuckles in between the extremities from the gracious host of the party.

I thought to myself, if I’m going to run a website about cockpunching, I should experience one and what a delight it was. I will always cherish that moment and hold it in the outer limits of my memory bank. So, thank you Mr. Host, (I can’t remember his name) for the Cockpunch. So, thank you Chris for the C-punch.

Here’s a bIg punch from Colbert to Sheridan, but, as always with a little sarcastic humor thrown in.

Cesar Millan needs a good punch to the junk not because he’s a good dog trainer but because every f*cker out there that has read one paragraph of his writings all the sudden think they’re the dog whisperer. You get the people that come around and start with the ppssssttt… when a dog jumps on them or the infamous hand around the neck like they’re pulling off some Greco Roman submission hold on the pooch.  Maybe the punch should go out to all the expert animal lovers that think they’re Mr. Millan. Na, how about a punch to the mid’s for Millan and his loyal trainee’s.

Sara Palin we know is no Einstein when it comes to global political issues and judging from this last episode of words she spoke back during the presidential debates, (this is not new news) it’s not helping her intellectual right wing self.

Back when Obama locked up the Democratic Party presidential nomination, McPalin was overheard by a waitress attending her table say a few choice words about Obama and Clinton. The waitress witnessed McPalin say these words over a cell call to a colleague, “So Sambo beat the bitch”, while eating her moosemeat lunch sandwich and guffawing about the Democrat’s primary battle. These are some choice words from such a pristine lady, now McPalin, where are your table manners?

Watch the video, enough said…

We live and work in a world of hat asses that can’t always handle situations as they should be handled, specifically project managers (P.M.’s) @ work. Now I don’t mind a couple of useless meetings that they’re entitled to schedule but if you are going to get fired up and start telling lies, let the cockpunching begin. Every company has their share of long winded babble along meetings that prove to go nowhere except for upper management to grasp the ideas of what their own responsibilities are.  All of this is still somewhat admissible except when you include one inept P.M. that can’t decipher his own responsibilities, therefore pointing the blame elswhere using his guarded physcological reversal toolkit that is lodged back in his peanut sized brain.

Check out this website for some valuable information on avoiding the wrath of the scapegoatee.  Michael Crigsman-IT project failures.

Not sure why spammers get off on sending out  junk mail via e-mail along with spamming sites that have active comment procedure but they do. I suppose it will be 2nd nature in a few more years just like junk mail via the United States Postal service is and was.

While there will always be preventative maintenance towards these little swills with their rogue websites filled of medications, erectile corrections, loan scams, etc, it will also hold an annoying spot in our little hearts.

So here’s to you spam gimps, a cock knock to each of you for your useless posts and junk e-mail, we hope you overclock your machines and short out the motherboard.

Here’s one from a fan of cockpunches.com. We will enjoy posting this one and more importantly having some fun trying to figure out whether this BBB was a Motley Crew or Poison groupie, judging from the hair, one might guess Ratt.

Attack of the BBB (Blonde Billard Bimbo)

This BBB is a so-called “friend” of my husband for the last 20 years or so. On this particular evening my plans to go somewhere got cancelled so I come home to find that my husband is not home like he told me he would be. Come to find out he is over at a friends house examining his ATV. The BBB just happens to be there drinking with them. The BBB drinks on an empty stomach and texts me 7 different text messages and left me one evil voicemail message on my phone for no reason; my husband agrees. The texts read:

1-fk no! never u bitch

2-bring u bitch! Get your ass over here u pyscho bitch. U suck

3-fuck u Mental (name)! His is n2 [yler

4-lmao. Bitch u r so mine! KABOOM DORA

5-your ass is mine. U bitch

6-fuck u bitch

7-fuck u bitch. I am prayn 4 your dumb fkn ass bitch

(Glad she said it ….I think she read my mind about her) SLAM!

Seems apparent to me that she has a drinking problem and has a problem with me. (Do I care-NO, I just want to kick her ass all the more now) Who gives a damn, bring it on Blonde Billard Bitch. She is the one who is psycho and butts her nose into other people’s marriages. Poor Blonde Billard Bitch doesn’t have balls big enough to say any of that to my face! I point out that she is blonde and typically I do not have anything against blonde’s, just Billard one’s named Stacey! This has been an ongoing dilemma from her texting her photos to my husband after 9pm at night on two separate occasions to texting me and calling me and getting in our business. WTF….you don’t see me texting my photo’s to any “friends” of the opposite sex late at night, wonder what her husband thinks of that? Oh, he will find out if it is left up to me!

She has been hanging on my husbands nut sack more in the last year than in the first 4 years of our relationship combined. Not sure why my husband has allowed this to go this far, that would be another article! I would like to send out a warm invitation to the BBB to say another damn word to my face so I can give her a nice BITCH slap.

I wrote this article in defense of my marriage and my rules 1) Don’t get mad-Get even! 2)Say what you feel 3)Don’t take shit from any BBB

This BBB from Hudson, IN needs a Cockpunch daily for eternity!

Sincerely,

Brunette City Wife (BCW)

While no stories have been posted for awhile, an incident happened that developed a thought process for a good well planned Cockpunch. After a scutinizing two weeks of getting two websites back together, one might ponder the thought of giving a swift COCKPUNCH to the hacker that brought them down. While it was an irrating journey, I realized that even little shitheads need to feel smart too. You could probably assume most of this activity takes place under a parental’s roof while some little man tauntes the WWW with his malware, trojans and worms. Fortunately, the cockpunches.com was only under the weather for a day or so before being brought back to normality. The other site, (name withheld) did not par so lucky, although the hack fudged much of the script, it turned out to be a wretched good thing as the old site was taken out, redesigned and turned into a prince, just like the story goes.

So thanks you hack tap, now isn’t it past your bedtime?

While Apple is a fine company, above the rest, innovation wise, customer server wise, there’s one minor detail they forgot about, DON’T OUTSOURCE TECH SUPPORT. Last time we knew Apple, Inc. only out-sourced tech support to one location in India.  Always thinking Apple was on top of their game, I recently contacted A.T.S for an issue and reached a “Robert” from India. Nothing against their country but in the last 10-13 years since tech companies have been outsourcing, the quality and knowledge of their support agents has gone downhill by 110% not to mention the language clarity barrier.  Back were the days when you could call Apple,  Dell, Cisco, Linksys and speak to someone that didn’t sound like they were reading out of a manual. It was a time when they structured multi-level tiers of tech support, each tier having abit more knowledge than the one below. Now if you talk to anybody about this you get the same stupid response, “well it’s cheaper for them”, no shit shirlock. The problem arises when you have pissed off customers and a total annhilation of mockery and jokes set forth on these companies. Well here’s just a small cockpunch for Apple for even considering outsourcing to India, it’s not helping you.